Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
