omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Randomize
