You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
Randomize
