she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
Randomize
