She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
I came so hard my ears popped.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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