Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
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