Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Randomize
