Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
