It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
