I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
