what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Randomize
