i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Randomize
