I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
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