you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
