so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
I said "one day" and that day is not today
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
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