I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
