how can u be prego again
She said her name was "party"
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
