but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
