its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
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