right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
We don't watch enough power rangers
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Randomize
