Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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