Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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