you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
Randomize
