I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
