Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
she looked like the before picture.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
Randomize