I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
