My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Randomize
