got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
Randomize
