Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Randomize
