Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize