My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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