it was like his penis was on wheels.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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