Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
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