I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Randomize
