How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize