if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
