I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Randomize
