we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
they're like a gay fantastic four
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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