i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Randomize
