I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
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