I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Randomize
