It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Randomize
