saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
Man, jail baloney is awful.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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