what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
You may now shotgun with the bride
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
