Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Randomize
