I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize
