Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Randomize
