I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
I'm sobbing to NWA
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
