I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize