She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize
