Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Randomize
