do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
NoShamevember. You game?
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Why are your pants in the freezer?
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Randomize
