You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
He shit in the fireplace
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
