i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
