and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
I think I just sharted jello shots
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
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