their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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