I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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