My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
Randomize
