it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
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