his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
