Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
