Midget sex pt 2 tonight
Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
