im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Randomize
