thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Randomize
