I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
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