i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
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