At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
Randomize
