And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
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