We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
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