I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize
