NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
