too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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