someone owes me an orgasm
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
