I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
