You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Randomize
